So, back to the kitchen I went. Kip was in the middle of making the spinach dip and then he had to take a restroom break. Now, his restroom breaks are notoriously long. He compounded the longness by taking his Oddysey book in there with him. I didn't keep track of the time but I know it was over half an hour before I heard him stirring around in there. And then I heard the shower curtain being pulled back so I knew he was next going to take a shower. The length of his showers are notoriously long, too.
Meanwhile, back in the kitchen I finished up the dip, then cleared the table. The lasagna was way done and I hadn't made the dressing for the Caeser salad yet. I got the romaine lettuce out and cut it up quickly not caring if there were big pieces or not. Tossed it in a big bowl. Bill finally came out of the computer room and into the kitchen. Practically the first time all day that I had seen him. The only other time he came out was when he took a shower before heading out to Radio Shack to buy a new modem for Russell's computer. For the last four days, he's been rebuilding this older man's computer.
Anyway, that touched it off. I fell headlong in a downward spiral of deflation. Just like the blow-up reindeer in the yard across the street when they turn off the blower. Here my other kid wasn't coming after all, the kid that was there had spent over an hour in the bathroom leaving me alone to finish up the meal, my husband's head was in the computer and might as well not been in the house at all, and I was out in the kitchen slaving away like I was going to feed an army with no one around to appreciate it. Not a good combination for Christmas Eve for me. What got to me at the very last was that dinner was being served so freaking late and I wasn't even sure why. Everything had slipped away from me, all my plans dissipated in a quick flurry of backfires. I just so hate it when I don't start early enough for all that I had planned. Kip and I should have started that cheese ball and dip early in the afternoon instead of when it was becoming evening. Yeh, there I go "shoulding" on myself. And then it got all wrapped up in Christmas hopes. I fell prey to the Chrismas Blues bigtime in the flash of a memory.
When I finally got dinner on the table at 9:00, I was too miserable to eat it with enjoyment. And then I ruined it for Bill and Kip buy sulking through the whole meal. Actually, I don't think it bothered them too much and that kinda made me madder but I've gotten too old to want my misery to soak through to other people so I was glad that they didn't fall into with me. I didn't want to be sitting there, I wanted to be alone but I didn't want to put more uncomfortableness in the air by leaving the table at the beginning of dinner. I have to say it was an all time long event of sulkiness for me. Well, a recent long time event.
We got through dinner with Bill trying to be silly and humorous doing his best to cheer me up because he could tell (WHO couldn't?!) that I was sulky. Kip chuckled and ate, and carried the conversation with Bill. I poked at salad I didn't want and ate lasagna that didn't have any flavor for me except yuck. I really just wanted to get back to my Brownie Mound eating. (Yeh, chocolate. That's the answer.) Then we retired to the living room where I sat in the rocking chair on one side of the tree and they sat on the futon on the other side of the tree and we couldn't see each other. Which was fine with me for the mood I was in. At one point, Kip asked if we had already had our Christmas fight. Bill reassured him that we had so he didn't really know what this was all about. And that made me laugh to myself and realize that, no, he didn't really know, and that he had walked into it in the kitchen earlier like a blind man in front of a charging bull.
Thankfully, it always turns out funny as evidenced by this picture. Bill thought it was too funny how Dusky was draped over my leg so he took this picture. At one point, I leaned over and tossed each one of them a present and growled, "Here, open." Both of them came back with, "Aren't we waiting till Christmas morning?"
"No," I snarled.
Kip said, "Oh, I get it, you want to get Christmas over and done with." I laughed. A little. "Then you'll probably say let's get the tree down." I laughed more.
"Yeh, then tomorrow as soon as we have the Christmas waffles I'll be saying, 'Well, it was nice, Kip, we'll be seeing you' and help you get your things packed in the car," I countered. Some more good and funny things were said and the ice finally started breaking.
As I knew I would, I finally got to talking about what had turned my mood sour. It really wasn't anything more than my usual Christmas deflating. All the looking forward to it all, the preparation, the cooking, the expecting and then the actuality of it happening, poof, slash, all the hot air leaking out of me like a punctured balloon. It was just me. I have to say that Lee not coming was most likely the uncorker. Just the fact that what I had visioned in my head WAS NOT going to come to pass tipped me over. The thought that got to me out in the kitchen was "all that slaving away at all that food and for what? And then I'm still cooking ham and scalloped potatoes tomorrow." It still didn't seem worth it to me for Lee and company to come all that way for the day just eat a dinner and then go back. And Kip needed to leave at a decent evening hour to make the two hour drive to Columbus. So we wouldn't be getting into playing any games with Lee and Kim either. Sigh. Gee, my life is so tough, isn't it? Ho ho.
Time traveling must have been what was going on. I thought for sure I wasn't going there but I did and I did so quickly and innocently that it took me along for a wild ride. Oh, well, I'm over it--for this year. The dream I had this morning upon waking up made up for it. Mel Gibson and I were having a wild adventure. The school that we were visiting with our kids got taken over by a bunch of thugs that came in shooting. Then the school blew up after I had sprinted across the field to get to a house and a telephone. Mel and others slowly made their way out of the building by the time I had run back. Man, I could actually feel his cheek on mine as we embraced. Sigh...
On the bright side, we woke up to a Christmas snow. It's been a long time since we had snow for Christmas Day. And here it is.
Dammit, I'm still going to make a mincemeat pie!
I had a surprise coming. To read more, click Page 2.