It's the scope of the work here that's starting to get to me. Is it what I want to be dealing with all day long for an indefinite time? It's all about giving out the permits, taking money for the permits, answering questions constantly about the permits, looking on the computer database for details about the permits, shuffling papers in one file and out another about the permits. Deep down I know it isn't what I want to keep dealing with. I haven't been here long enough to know the whole scope of the work so maybe this feeling will change as I learn more. It's unsettling not to be kept busy. I'm sitting here looking at the walls half the day. I need my mind stimulated. Or at least some work to do to make the hours go faster.

One thing that discouraged me was not being able to continue working the cash register. The question came up today about me being bonded. Until that issue gets settled I can't wait upon the customers and take any more money. It was an issue that had never been thought of before. That's really disappointing because I was starting to like doing that. And it helped fill the day more. Why the question came up was because an employee--a permanent employee in the utilities department, where you pay your utility bills--had been arrested the week before for using a credit card number to get some cash for himself.

So, ixnay on the unbondeday emptay handling the oneymay. Until the boss could find out if the temp agency bonds their workers or not.

Paula and the boss were standing at the counter talking about the issue. The boss was saying that he might have to call around to other temp agencies to see if he could get another temp who was bonded. When I heard that, my heart soared and a glimmering hopeful thought entered my brain, "I might be able to get out of this job."

As soon as I could edge my way into the conversation, I told the boss that if he had to get another temp worker that I would be okay with that. I wanted to reassure him that I wouldn't mind. I understood the situation and didn't want to hamper their normal office procedures. He said that there were still many options to explore yet and that I should keep my hopes up.

Funny that he was reassuring me like that. If he only knew I was leaning in the total opposite direction. What startled me was how much happier I felt thinking I could get out of this job gracefully.

When I was handed some papers to xerox, I fished a quarter out of my purse, and the temp agency's phone number, and headed to a floor where there was a public phone. That was a bad sign if I was calling the agency already. Or maybe a good sign. My deeper consciousness was trying very hard to get through to the upper consciousness. "Follow your heart, damn you!" I wanted the agency to know that I was thinking of backing out of the job and reassurance that I wouldn't be put on their "black list" if I did.

"Hello, ______ temporary agency, this is Stephen, how may I help you?" Not the person I really wanted to talk to but I jumped right in. He was sympathetic to my woes but he mainly tried to reassure me that things would get better, that I would get over the hump, and to give it a coupla more weeks. When I'm frustrated, I tend to go to tears and they were forming. But I kept my composure and told him okay, I would hang in there, I knew he was right, that there was a big adjustment period, I had been through one before, and it would pass if I gave it time.

I hung up and quickly went back upstairs feeling like Judas who had just turned in Jesus. I wished the holiday was tomorrow. Already, I needed the break.