| I'm having an unsettling summer. Something just isn't right about this summer. We're halfway through it, too, thankfully, and I'm not quite sure where it has gone. Last year I was way into summer and rolling with the seasons. This year I can't wait for it to be over. And why? I'm not really sure. I hate to say that my whole life has been muddled because of a couple of barking dogs two doors over but I tend to think that it is. I have to admit that the situation has gotten a LOT better. He does now keep them in most the day except for two one-hour stretches when he lets them out, or the neighbor girl that he pays to let them out when he is gone working his stint as a fireman, to do their duties. But when I found out last week that he intends to keep them I have to say that the depressiveness of it all let loose full blast in my brain. I was pretty angry and upset for a couple of days and wallowed in my rooms in depressive despair. Geez, it was pretty pitiful. I keep thinking there must be some yet-unknown-to-me deeper anguish going on. But I haven't been able to identify it. Yet.
Or maybe we've lived too long in one place now and I'm getting restless and bored with being here. It's been three years since we settled into this house. I had gotten used to moving every two years or less so. But, concerning the dogs, I am into practicing acceptance again and my days have gotten more serene again. I still hate the sound of that little yipper when she's let out but at least I do know now that she won't be let out the whole day long to bark her fool head off. When I feel her bark grating on my nerves, I turn some music up loud to try to drown it out. It's such a piercing bark that I can still hear it over the music but with the music it is less jarring. I learned, too, that it is a she. I don't want to know her name. That would get too personal if I knew that. And I keep thinking to myself that if those dogs are the only problem and troubles I've got going in my life then I am really pretty damn lucky. I have to stop and remind myself of that a lot. That does help to humble me. So, why a sulky summer? I finally stumbled upon the word that best describes what I've been feeling. I'm sulking. I'm sulking about the nitwit and his dogs and that I couldn't get him to get rid of them. So, now I have to move into acceptance again. Once I identified the mood I've been able to start feeling better. I love words and finding the right word to describe it changes everything. It totally defines and sums it all up and I can move on. At least, that seems to be what works for me. |