I've been doing pretty well about getting her to sleep and to bed on the futon until last night. Last night was just horrible. She would NOT go to sleep. She fought it hard, left and right. I read, I sang, I rocked, I sat with her, I laid with her and finally I was silent with her. And I had totally lost my patience with her. Then after I did get her to sleep at 11:00, I went to bed but stubbornly and stupidly turned on my flashlight and finished reading the book I had started two days earlier putting me going to sleep at 2:30 a.m. I did sleep 7 1/2 hours but I felt draggy all day. After Todd left for work at 12:40, I realized that I was just NOT in the mood to babysit. But I muddled through it. The two hour soak in the pool later on was very helpful and refreshed me enough to brave the bedtime horrors.

Saturday night I thought I had a good handle on getting her to sleep at a decent time UNTIL... She woke up when I laid her down on the futon. I started working on her at 9:30. Read her three fairly long books. Got the light off and went right into my song routine. She wiggled around quite a bit but at 10:15 she was asleep. Lightly, but asleep. The thumb was out of the mouth so I took that as a good sign that I could do anything I wanted with her. Well, it wasn't the best of signs after all. Took her over to the futon and gently rolled her onto it. She woke up, turned over and scooted up more towards one end. I thought she was looking for the pillow. "No, I don't want the pillow." So I hastily took it out of the way.

She rolled over and I picked up the blanket to put on her waiting to make sure she did want it before I put it on her. She did want it. Put it on her and then stood there to sing a bit more but she told me to go sit in the chair. Sighing, I went and sat in the chair. I decided not to start singing again thinking that she just needed silence. Then she asks me to turn on some music No way, Jose, I said to myself but to her I just said "No music." She started into a little bit of a whine. I decided to start singing again. Thought that was working but then she got up off the futon. Crap, that was it for me. I told her to get back on the futon and that she had to go to sleep. Covered her up again, saw the thumb go back in the mouth and I decided to leave. I was pretty tired and I could feel my patience wearing dangerously thin. I decided that I needed to put Plan B in action and leave the room for awhile. Let her cry it out. Let her see that I meant for her to stay on the futon and go to sleep. I shut the child gate to keep her in the living room.

Bill and I settled in to watch The Daily Show I had on tape. I had already told her half a dozen times to get back on the futon and go to sleep. She would but by the time I finally went into the bedroom for good she was at the gate screaming for me. I had decided to let her have a good cry about her predicament till after we watched our show. It was hard to keep my mind on the show even though it was Al Gore promoting his movie, "An Inconvenient Truth", as I heard her screaming frantically for me, "Gram, Gram, Gram..." as loud as she could but I held steady. I felt most of my annoyance fading away as I envisioned going to her, wiping off her tears and comforting her again. We were 5 minutes away from the show ending. I had almost made it to my deadline of stoniness. Then I heard her mom screaming for me, "Gram! Gram!" That definitely roused me up. I scurried into my slippers and jerked the door of the bedroom open. There was Amy on her knees hugging Addy tearfully. Seems that Addy had decided to climb over the gate and Amy found her teetering on the brink of falling as she straddled the fragile thing. Amy had to lift her daughter off and hurt her hernia again in the process. It was an ugly feeling scene.

I stood before them explaining what I had done but it felt hollow in that time and place looking at mom falling apart and the child telling her how she had called for Gram and then how her butt was sliding off the gate as she tried to climb over. I noticed her two stuffed animals lying against the wall on the freedom side of the gate. Amy asked me how I could not have heard Addy frantically calling for me and then Amy hysterically calling, too. I had heard but they both sounded alike at first. I felt justified and vilified and crazy with worthlessness. After standing there for a bit, I went into the living room and sat on the rocking chair waiting to see what they wanted to do next. Addy followed me and started telling me her harrowing story of trying to get over the gate. I took her on my knee. She added that she wished she was a chipmunk so she could have taken her two little feet and climbed right over. She enjoyed retelling this bit of thought to me several times. Amy came into the living room and said we'd read a story to Addy. So, that's what I did. Amy laid down on the futon, I turned on the lamp, Addy picked a book and I read it to her. I turned off the light and Addy slid off my lap wanting to go over with mom. Amy let her climb up carefully and lie behind her back. And we all sat/lay there in silence until Addy went to sleep which took about 15 minutes. All she really wanted was her mom. So sad.

I sat there brainstorming about what to try next. I decided that I'd do the reading thing, the bit of singing thing, and then if Addy had gone to sleep in my arms but woke up as I laid her down that I would lie down, too, facing outwards and try what Amy had done--silence and having Addy lie at my back. I'd go to sleep, too, if that what I needed to have the patience to stay.

We talked the next day since emotions were running too high that night and we were both too tired to make sense of anything. Amy is going to try another tactic. They are going to buy a bunkbed and get Addy's sleeping arrangements changed upstairs. Right now there are two twin mattresses on the floor side-by-side. Amy or Todd have been lying down beside their child to get her to sleep every night but Amy hasn't been able to do that for several weeks lately because of the hernia. The idea is to change things up by getting Addy a bed frame so she'll get used to going to sleep without snuggling into someone's body. Amy will sit in the rocking chair in that room and stay with her still. We all agreed that if Addy can get to sleep upstairs it would be much easier on me and her. I'll do the prep work downstairs--get her pj's on, make sure she's gone potty--and then send her upstairs. Mom can do the teeth brushing and the book reading. Addy will climb into bed herself, lights will go off and with the presence of Mom in the room she'll fall asleep. Happy ending to the day. Right? I'll be very happy and less frazzled and less apt to dread having to watch Addy all day and Addy will be in harmony again. And Mom, too, just as long as her stomach doesn't get jostled and cause her extreme pain.